I have found that I've had to put on a brave face and try to put one foot in front of the other without putting my son through the torment of a mother who smothers him because she's afraid he'll stop breathing at any moment. Time has made things easier, and I've conquered a lot of those fears, yet I still take the precautionary measures that help alleviate the possibilities of triggering this unfortuante occurance called SIDS. Every day I get to spend with my son is a day I celebrate. After every time we say our prayers at night, I always say a special one for my own selfishness..."God, please allow me to wake up to my son smiling at me in the morning". Yesterday, he turned 4 Months Old, and I am so thankful that we're just THAT much closer to him not being in that SIDS window of concern.
So...4 months down, 2 more to go before another weight gets lifted off my shoulders...but then, as a mom, I'll find more things to "worry" about, I'm sure! :)
Our Little Monkey!
He's making so many funny sounds to Papa!
Gray after a wonderful 4 month birthday!
3 comments:
just keep breathing, girl. my mom (god bless her, because i don't know how she did it) starting having panic attacks when i was a few months old... we found out much later - when i starting having them, and we went through family history - that it runs in her family. she worried constantly (and conversely to you) that SHE would fall asleep and never wake up, and then i would have to grow up without a mother. she could only sleep when i was sleeping, and spent the rest of her time exhausted but still taking care of me. there's apparently some recessive gene in humans that comes out once you become a parent; a "superhuman" gene that lets you do what you have to do, no matter what may be going on in your head or in your life. just enjoy every moment, and if you ever need to talk, you know i'm here for you, sis! 'cause if anyone understands run-away anxiety, it's me. :o) plus, soon i'll be just down the road, so you can just call me up and i'll be over with a bad 80's movie and some cadbury chocolate in no time!
It's fun watching you blossom as a mom...you're doing a great job! Worry is a lifelong part of the title, unfortunately. I feel like you can now better understand me and all of my mom-like "issues" that I've exhibited for years and that has made us closer. Thanks for giving me such an amazingly beautiful grandson!! He is nothing but pure joy!..ma
You know, I remember when Melissa died and it stuck with me. When I became a mom I, too, thought of her (and a cousin I also lost to SIDS) and prayed at night my kids would breath. SIDS is a serious thing and if you worry about it, you'll take precautions to make sure your child is safe. He'll get through it and so will you but, as a parent, it's okay to worry and to be safe. Your a great mom, Jenny. Keep it up!
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